Sunday 11th Oct 2020

I came down for breakfast(bedroom is on first floor) and saw a cup of milk left on the counter so I asked Rajiv" is he(Father-in-law) not having breakfast. " Rajiv said NO, he does not want to have breakfast. Rajiv told me that he had  asked the old man to eat his leftover dinner for breakfast. Old man refused to eat it. I told Rajiv he will not eat it(left-over dinner) but give him something else like Bread jam which I normally put for him, to which Rajiv replied that "can't keep wasting food like this." He told me to sit and finish my breakfast as this is not the first time that old man has played drama over food.

After he finished breakfast , he asked his father if he will eat bread and milk ( He had already had his morning hot water with lemon and tea subsequently). He said,"Han, yeh mai khalunga" ( Yes, This I will eat). So he was served the same.

Since morning Rajiv has been asking him to write that he wants to go of his own freewill to Mumbai, but old man is refusing to do so. AT 11am , Rajiv asked him if he had written it, he replied that he is not feeling well. After 15 mins, Rajiv went and said to get ready to get a haircut as the barber ( after proper sanitisation procedure and check at the gate below) had come. Old man immediately got up and was ready for it. Rajiv taunted, " Ab tabyat theek ho gayi?" 

Actually, old man wants to keep shuttling between mumbai and Lucknow according to his comfortability. There he will bad-mouth us to his so-called daughter Munni  and after he has taken out his frustration he will phone Rajiv and tell him that he is not getting food etc and Rajiv will call him back. His wife and daughter-in-law don't want to keep him as he has behaved badly with them. Eaten sleeping pills and made a nuisance of himself among the ladies. 

[Background to why his wife and D-i-l  -Prajakta - will not entertain him anymore - after his eldest son's death, Rajiv had finished the last rites and they came home(mumbai). Rajiv had forgotten his slippers so he told his Sis-in-law that he was going to get a pair of slippers. Old man immediately tagged along and told him to buy a new pant - Raymond's - as his pant was spoilt. Then after Rajiv left mumbai, he kept in touch with his Sis-in-law. SHe told him that one day while sitting for a meal, both she and the mother and kids started crying, which is natural. Old man told them, " ro kyun rahe ho,  marr gaya toh mar gaya...." something similar. Both ladies couldn't bear it and the D-i-l gave him a mouthful. After that incidence, old man ate a couple of sleeping pills. His d-i-l slapped him ( as per Rajiv's version of the story). Old man decided to leave and began packing the wife's clothes. Wife refused to leave the daughter-in-law. Old man told her, "dekhte hain mere bina tum log kaise rahoge" (old man was speaking as he used to get his full pension at that time, so he thought his wife would be dependant on him.) He got a Bihari neighbour to get him a taxi to the railway station and went off to Dehradun. This happened within a few months of the son's passing away.]

This is a routine affair and it remind me of an analogy - water keeps boiling at sim and the frog is never going to get out. Instead if the frog was put into hot water the frog would have jumped out.

Just found another saying that depicts our situation - If you don't chnage your thinking , you will keep recycling the same experiences. This is precisely what keeps happening at our house. 

Today, Rajiv is saying he will send him back to Mumbai. Let see if he actually sends him.

 10.10.2020

Rajiv was very emotional and confessed his many wrong-doings to others including my mother. 

We had decided to have oats and fry fish for dinner (because Rajiv has his weekend drink & starters). He was talking and then went to put the fish to fire. We came home from Hind Optics after getting Rajiv's eyes tested and giving Rajiv's spectacles for making. We came home to find RAjiv's father packing/ settling his clothes. RAjiv asked him if he is going. Father said No, he was settling clothes.

 He stopped by his father's room and he told Rajiv that he wants togo to Mumbai as he met his wife the other day. Rajiv told him that he would not stop him from going because of his rude behavior.

2 days ago, I caught him meditating again. He had done so many times before and everytime Rajiv has told him not to do so.

 I told him to go and do this whereever he wants to but not here. He began to argue,"isme kya hain. Main apne mann ko shant kar raha hoon." I said No one knows what you are saying in your mind so don't do it. " Mann mein kya kah rahen hain kissi ko nahin maloom. Isliye matt kariye" 

This is because RAjiv and his mother (phone conversatio) have always said that he used to say the Mahamrityunjay Jaap, while his brother - Prabhu was suffering from kidney problem and died. The father refused to give his kidney to save his son's life. I also said that he will never change just like the tail of a pig which is kept straight in a case, never straightens, his father yelled ant me saying,"tum jaoo yahan se, tum se kaun baat karna chahta hai." I said write and say that you want to go but he yelled saying that he will  not write anything. If my son wants to send me , he can do so but I will not write.  {Ironically, a few days after RAjiv's bithday, old man shouted at Rajiv saying ,"Kaun mujhe nahi rakhna chahta" (This is in retailation to what his nephew Rintoo told him on 25thsept- Rajiv's birthday that no one is going to keep you so stay properly over here at your son's place). Mujhe bhej do Mumbai") Classic part is that his youngest son was an alcoholic and died under a train after talking to his father and the father in disgust told him, "Ja ke kahin mar ja".}

Then he said, " Tum do paise ki aurat ho". That was it - I just walked out and immediately smsed Rajiv the incident. But he read it only in the evening and then gave his father a hollering, but in vain.

Back to the rude behavior of this evening (10/10/2020)  - so Rajiv told his father that he could atleast say sorry. I was in the kitchen and suddenly he walked in with a big grin on his face and said "Sarry" (not sorry as pronounced). I got unnerved and irritated as he was just a few feet away from me. I blurted that I would not be able to forgive him as he repeatedly does the same thing to irritate us or cause unpleasantness in the house. But he just turned and walked off into the drawing room and sat down to watch TV. Then Rajiv got angry and asked him as to who called him to watch TV. Rajiv told him to go into his room.  Old man walked off as if nothing ever happened.

I got bugged and told him in a raised voice that he can either go back to Mumbai or he and his wife and entire family will get into trouble as I will lodge an FIR. Rajiv threw the plastic watter bottle on the floor saying he had told him that I had already lodged it. (How am I supposed to know that he has already threatened his father with the FIR thing.)

Then started the usual melodrama - "Your mother is responsible for this state...blah...blah...blah..I have decided that Aditya & I will stay in Ansal 32 , and you can stay in Maqbara and my father can go to Mumbai". Strangely, in my message when I had hinted that his father may be the reason for our house breaking up, Rajiv said - " I will never leave you, how can you think about leaving?" Then he cooled down.

Gave his father dinner which he ate only 2 spoon fulls and then said he would not eat dinner. (He has done this a couple of times and I always told him it is bad for his health, at his age.). I have left the food covered with a plate on the table, in case he gets up later to eat. And yes, we did eat food and then RAjiv took the dogs  for a walk. He then fell asleep as he had taken too much stress and 2-3 pegs of whisky.

28th sept time 8.50am

Rajiv's father makes it a point to irritate Rajiv by going of to sleep after breakfast ( some days he does not sleep at all and then he starts sleeping). Rajiv chides him for doing so. Father begins to shout saying - he does not want to stay with him(Rajiv), 

" You brought me here from Bhabua, send me to Vishnu's place (Bhabua). Koi mujhe bhejna nahi chahta. Mujhe marte ho. Main tumhare saath rehna nahi chahta. Mujhe kutte ki tahra rakhte ho. Mujhe bhej do."

Rajiv gave him a paper to write out his grievance and state that he wants to leave, FIL says he will write in Rajiv 's presence. In 2017, FIL has drafted a complaint to the DM saying that "Mujhe is narkiye jeevan se azad karao"

The classic part is that on Rajiv's birthday - 25th Sept - Rajiv's cousin Rintoo from Dehradun, was passing by Lko from Varanasi. He stopped by at Levana and came home in the evening to celebrate Rajiv's birthday and had dinner with us. After dinner, he sweetly explained to the old man that no one will keep him, so he should stay with his only son in Lko.

Background:

F-i-l was staying with son (married) and wife since 2002 in Mumbai. They had been called by the eldest son Prabhu when his wife was expecting their first child. The M-i-l went first and then FIL followed, leaving behind the youngest son and his family in Dehradun. Then FIL after Prabhu's death in 2012 June decided to move back to Dehradun. Wife did not want to leave Mumbai and the DIL and 2 kids alone, so FIL in a huff walked out on his own. SInce then his favourite daughter-in-law has forbidden his entry to their home in Navi Mumbai and she has kept the mother-in-law with her for property reasons. So he goes to Mumbai, stays with his daughter Munni and meets his wife in a restaurant once a month.

Since then he has stayed at Dehradun, fallen ill with asthma. Rintoo was taking care of him but when the conditioned worsened, he put FIL on a train to Delhi where Rajiv hospitalised him and ran up a bill of 84000/-, among other things.

The has stayed with Vishnu for 2 yrs and was cleaning his toilet, . When Rintoo told Rajiv this, then Rajiv went and brought him from Bhabua in March/April 2015.

He stayed with us for a month and at the end of May 2015 made a big fuss about wanting to go back to Bhabua saying they _Vishnu and family were calling him.

On June 1st Rajiv and I left him at Charbagh railway station for Bhabua.

After 10 days , FIL calls up to say that he wants to come back. So Rajiv drove in the Scorpio to get him and all his stuff from Bhabua.

Then in August 2015, he declared he was going to Mumbai. On 21st August, 2015, he caught a flight for Mumbai. It was Adi's birthday and FIL did not even remember or bother to wish him. 

In between his stay in Lko from March/April to May & June 10th to 21st August, 2015, he would constantly talk to his wife and all his relatives and friends, whose numbers he had.

In March/April 2015, one afternoon he asked me for water as the jug was empty. While I was pouring the water in his glass, he commented, "Tumhari figure bahut achchi hai. Tume sari mein achchi lagti ho." And he made a gesture with his hands.

I thought to myself -my father never  commented on my figure nor did anyone else ever say a word, and this person (FIL) who I have just recently met has the audacity to comment on my figure. Since that day I made it a point to wear the shirt over the sari until I reached my room to change.

He came back after 2 months telling Rajiv that he was not getting to eat properly at Munni's (daughter) - late breakfast , lunch and dinner unlike Lko where Breakfast was at 7.30, Lunch at 1.30 pm and Dinner at 9pm. Since then he would go to Mumbai every few months and come back after some months. The last time he came back from Mumbai ws on 4th Oct 2017 - he told Rajiv that he was not getting food on time. When he landed in Lko and came home I asked him how his daughter was managing - he said she has a maid servant coming thrice a day to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. So I questioned him infront of Rajiv that he had said that he was not getting food , so FIL said he never said that. 

Once in Mumbai he would bad-mouth Rajiv to Munni, with whom he always stayed. 

We know this because his sister Munni called form Mumbai to confirm the same.

In Janaury2016, Rajiv had gone to Delhi for work. One evening over tea, he tells my mother how difficult it was for him to raise 3 kids and that he sold milk to meet expenses. He also said that his wife had gone for a wedding and she wrote telling him that she was expecting again. They had the elder son Prabhu and had taken his sister's daughter Munni into his care by then. SO he told her to get the pregnancy aborted. It could not be done and she delivered twin - boys Rajiv and Abhishek. ( He is sitting in Rajiv's house, telling Rajiv's wife and mother-in-law that he wanted the pregnancy aborted. What kind of conversation is this??)

Ironically, his younger son was an alcoholic and died/committed suicide/murdered  - came under a train in MAy 2012. The son - Abhishek had called him up and FIL in disgust told him -"Ja ke marr ja". The body parts were found and cremation done by relatives. His scooter was never found nor an FIR lodged for it. Aparently FIL wrote a suicide note which Abhishek's wife recognised as FIL's handwriting.

Eldest son - Prabhu had a kidney problem and could have been saved if FIL gave a kidney - but FIL refused to donate. HIs wife says he was eating sweets while his son was ill in Mumbai.

In between his mumbai trips, there would be trips to Bhabua. On the 2019 June trip, Rajiv found him standing close to the TV set in the hotel watching Roger Binny's DIL and her dress. Earlier he has commented on Vishnu's daughter, aged 16/17yrs, on how her chest has grown. He has commented on Vishnu's wife saying that she has turned fat. ( Who gave this man authority to comment on women and their figures and measure their breasts! IS this normal for village background people or is there a something else happening here - FIL has a dirty eye on women and does not spare his own family women)

Back to this afternoon 28th September 2020:

 Rajiv came home by 1pm and asked if he was ready to leave and if he had written that he wants to go of his own free will. FIL turns around and says - "Maine kab kaha ki main jana chahta hoon. Tum nikal rahe ho toh......" . His next dialogue was " Main train se kaise jaunga?"( I doubt if anyone was born in a plane)

Rajiv told me he almost ran over a lady on the two-wheeler as she was coming out from the road from Prag Narain Road to Nishatganj bridge, after flyover (Baikunt dham road).

In the evening today, when Rajiv went to give him tea, he told Rajiv to let it go. This is classic indeed - FIL made a hue and cry about wanting to go and that Rajiv should send him.

I am writing this down as this is very stressful for me to endure. I have never seen this kind of behavior and it is shameful and distressing. 

4th April 2020 Argument

4th April, 2020: Background -Had sold the tab to Mustafa for Rs 2500/-as salary in March was delayed. He wanted the charger too. After that I kept asking Rajiv to take out the Nokia phone box as it had the charger, headphoe and slot opening key. He kept saying he could not find it. One day he suggested that it may have been packed off to Maqbara. I told him No because I had not taken it there. Then another day he said that it may be in Scorpio or i20 trunk(dikki). Two days back, Adi wanted my headphone as he could not find his, as usual. Today, courtesy Corona, he went with Adi to clean the cars and bikes. Upon his return I asked him about the nokia box again. WHen he said it was not in Scorpio, I asked him why? He said he found all other boxes - his tab box, samsung box but they were empty. And Adi's Nokia box is with Adi and that too is empty. So, only my box is missing. How is this possible? And why should only my box be missing? ( When we were in Ansal & Metro, all boxes were given to me and all stuff was intact. In 205 Rohtas, he took the entire packet of the boxes and kept in on top in Adi's room.) He just told me its not there. I may have raised my voice a bit at him and he got angry. He threw the pink bucket and broke its handle. Then he flared, went into the kitchen and took out the big knife saying he would commit suicide - saying that this incident reminded him of a similar incident with Sushma- his keep (how after he cleaned his Maruti 800 and came back home, she had a fight with him and hit his mother). He threw the knife after I told him to stop throwing a tantrum like his father. BY then Adi came halfway down the stairs to listen to the ruckus. (Rajiv threw a similar tantrum on a winter night Jan/Feb 2016 in Ansal when mummy asked his to open the bathroom door which he had locked - He would often lock her bathroom door to harass her. He flew off the hamdle immediately saying that she was accusing him of something he did not do. He picked up a blade and cut his hand lightly and some blood appear. Then Aditya jumped in and seeing the blood, went and hit mummy below the jaw. Mummy fell down on her face forward. SHe lay there still for a few minutes before I and Aditya picked her up. In the night , she came to tell me that her mouth was paining badly. I gave her a pain killer. Next morning , she could barely eat breakfast. By the evening when we took her to the dentist, the X_ray said that she had broken her Jaw bone. The X- ray also showed a broken rib which had narrowly missed her heart. SHe had her jaw tied up for 2 months to get it healed). He then starts to raise his voice at me saying what did his father do? I told him that his father throws tantrums too and that I would call the police and have hi m sent to jail. HIs father has a dirty mind and has gestured to me saying that I have a good figure. He oogles at women dancing in semi-nude costume, loves to watch Roger Binny's wife in her short clothes during cricket commentary. His father and mother are wanted by Dehrradun police for dowry and sending goons to beat up the youngest son - Abhishek's wife and Rajiv's Keep Sushma in Dehradun.) Today I came to know that after an arguement, Sushma hit Rajiv's mother. He then packed her off to Mumbai. Then his father made him patch up with her and they came back together again. Question - If his parents' ( either one) get hit by his KEEP, he packs her off. But what when he hits his wife's mother, not on one occassion but several occassions??

Rajiv's father is a very strange man

3rd July event Rajiv's father Lallan Prasad Srivastava - is a very strange man. On 1st July it was his wedding anniversary. Rajiv phoned his mother( who lives in Mumbai and calls up only when she needs money - long story there again) and wished her and then gave the phone to his father and the old couple spoke for quite some time. We could hear the father saying that due to lockdown he can't visit Mumbai else he would come and stay there. Later on Rajiv told me that she specifically told him that there was no need to send him to Mumbai(via phone recording) and the old man's pleads fell on deaf years. Old man was normal on 30th behaving as if nothing had happened. Then he refused to eat breakfast and lunch the next day (2nd July), slept throughout the day and was woken up by Rajiv around 2.30pm. He argued with Rajiv loudly trying to cover up his bad behavior saying that he didn't feel well and so would not eat and has never done this before. (This behavior pattern is repetitive - I have seen it happen many times since 2015. Have tried to explain to him earlier that this habit of skipping meals is not good at his age but...). In the evening he had tea and in the night he almost jumped out of his room to eat dinner as if nothing had ever happened. today morning again, he had no breakfast, just sat reading the newspaper, hile the maid was sweeping.

Life and learning in the times of Corona

We have survived nearly 5 months of a lock-down courtesy Covid 19. The administration is doing all it can to keep citizens safe. Many have walked thousands of kilometers to get home from their work places. Normal life has taken a back seat. We are all at home. And then there are the divergent few who will take the 'road less traveled', proclaim that they cannot be touched by Corona and then go on to infect more around them. How can people be so bigoted, narrow-minded and fool-hardy that they have no consideration for others in their own community? They make life uncomfortable for their own brethren and widen the gap further between communities. Then they will proclaim that they are being targeted - classic case of self-propagated paranoia. But what have we as citizens of this world learnt from this ongoing crisis: - We can survive within the safe environs of our homes, for starters. So lets make our home beautiful both spiritually and physically. - Citizens are volunteering to help in times of need. - People are finding new ways of keeping themselves gainfully engaged. There are many online courses to enroll for. More time for hobbies to indulge in. Spending time with family doesn't count much as most youth remain glued to their mobiles. - The youth of this decade is getting a taste of life in the 50s, 60s and 70s. The only difference is that we now have the internet to keep us connected. Between the 50s - 70s, it was the humble radio. - We are learning to work from home. - Crisis can hit us at anytime. We must be prepared for future such pandemics. There may not be any wars but pandemics. - Many jobs are at stake. Specially the BPO industry as many European countries lock-down for 6 months, like Australia.Economy is taking a back seat.

Mother-in-law lives in Mumbai with widowed daughter-in-law. Father-in-law walked off from Mumbai after eldest son's death, to his home in Dehradun where is youngest widowed daughter-in-law lives with her two small children. He then went to his ancestral home district Bhabhua. There is a property dispute and a dowry case against the two of them in Dehradun. 

Then he came to Lucknow to his only surviving middle son, after he told the son that his nephew Vishnu  ill-treated him. From Lucknow he would visit Mumbai and stay with his so-called adopted daughter, meet his wife and after a few months would complain about the food etc & return to Lucknow. In Lucknow he would throw tantrums about not eating breakfast & lunch. Would bad-mouth about his son to the neighbours about his stay in Lucknow and has even gone to the extent of drafting a complaint to the DM about how his life is hell here (LKO)and that he should be sent to Mumbai. For two years he has gone back and forth from Lucknow - Mumbai -Lucknow. But he bad-mouths his son everywhere and other relatives too. 

The only people he never says a word against are his wife and eldest daughter-in-law, who are refusing to keep him but want his pension. They call making excuses that the mother is dying and they need money. All of this upsets our home environment. Every time they talk on the phone, he begs her to let him visit and she refuses. He then throws tantrums in Lucknow, like not eating food-Breakfast & lunch & in the evening he will behave as if he did not do anything. He also has a dirty eye. He always comments on women's figures and complexion. He has gone to the extent of telling me that I have a good figure(gesturing with hands) and that I looks good in saris. He delights in talking to the maids and bad-mouthing his only son and daughter-in-law. If he meets anyone from outside the house and he starats talking about  how he sold milk to educate his children.

He tries to show that he is in great misery when that is not true. He live in a room with attached bathroom. All meals are served on time. He wants to go to Mumbai to his wife but she refuses to keep him. His negative behavior creates friction within the home and is upsetting his son and daughter-in-law as he dleights in irritating his son by throwing tantrums and then saying that he never does anything and its his son's imagination. His patent statements are" Maine kya kiya?", Maine toh badiyan se rahta hoon." and "Tum aisa soochte ho." He and his wife can sort their issues on their own. We don't want to be dragged into their nonsense